Hiding, by Engi Hassaan
Lost for words I sit here, rumbling around in my head,
For the perfect way to describe, this feeling that I dread.
Of wonder and content.. Of ecstatic revelation;
Of worry and doubt, and endless agitation.
Like the time I lost myself, and found it a bit too late,
When I left it to fill up, with loathing and self hate.
Sitting here for hours, starting at each letter,
Staring in denial, without getting any better.
Emotions rage inside, on the verge of explosion,
Yet I sit here like a stone, maintaining my composure.
Too smooth, too calm to waver, in this new exterior,
Too strong to stop a soul from making me feel inferior.
But here you are again, out of the blind spot of my vision,
Declaring yourself before me, with such taunting precision.
No wonder I am bothered, no wonder I feel dread,
For running from myself, and finding you instead.
And I lose another battle, as I sit here and pretend,
All the hiding I’ve been doing, was only from a friend.
Lost for words as I start to stumble and fall,
Forgetting every reason that made me run from you at all.